How to Be An Asshat for Just 10 Cents!

It’s the first day of my period. I don’t have to refer to “cycle days” for a while since I officially let my RE’s clinic know we will be taking some time off. So in a typical state of being unprepared, I have no tampons in my purse. In my defense, I did lay some out on the bathroom counter this morning, but they didn’t magically transport themselves into my purse (Why, Gene Roddenberry, why?!).

So with a couple of quarters in my pocket, I headed to the ONLY bathroom in the building, which is on the floor below me that has a dispenser of feminine products. Most of the time it is not only full, but the mechanism still works after all these years, but I came prepared (at least for this) knowing that it may take more than one quarter to get my prize.

I never even got a chance.

Some mouth-breathing moron put a dime in the coin slot. It says right there on the front Quarters Only! I can neither grapple the little shit out nor turn the handle. I tried hooking one pinky nail behind it and one in front in makeshift tweezers to no avail. In a MacGyver moment, I knew that either a pencil WITH an eraser might work, but better yet, some gum, gently used, would work much better.

Slight problem. I have two quarters. Gum is 35 cents from the vending machine. You do the math.

So I marched back upstairs and sat back down at my desk and out of stubbornness (and sheer laziness) decided I was not going to chew up some gum just to remove a dime so I can get a tampon! Instead I used my doctor’s appointment as an excuse to leave early, drive home, and take care of my biz.

A tampon! A tampon! My Queendom for a tampon!