Tuesday, January 03, 2006

13dp3dt IVF/ICSI

It appears I'm the only one who has given up on this pregnancy. I'm a born pessimist and cynic. I think I'm all done crying about it and that I've come to accept the worst, and then I read another one of your comments, even if it's to just say you're thinking of me and I start crying all over again.

Mr. DD and I talked a little last nite in an attempt to get ourselves warmed up to the next step(s), or if there will be any. I guess I'm counting on the proverbial chicks to NOT hatch, and according to the Nurse K., the clinic's protocols on beta testing will not be coaxed into changing, because even THEY have not given up.

I called them this morning after thinking about the whole waiting period between yesterday's beta and Friday's. To me, if they really thought this pregnancy was viable, why not test right away again today or even Wednesday? She said why waste the money because if it went up, they would have to do another beta. I almost laughed humorouslessly at the "waste of money" because as of right now, my insurance is covering the betas for pregnancy. What about the thousands of dollars we spent on a potentially-failed IVF? That's not wasted money???

Sorry, I'm a tad bitter.

But I called the clinic to suggest we bump up this next beta to at least Thursday. I will have enough PIO to squeak me through Thursday nite and I refuse to refill if things are a bust. Nurse K. said they haven't given up on the pregnancy, so why have I? How can I explain to her that the symptoms I had enjoyed on Friday/Saturday have all disappeared: nausea, soreness, tiredness, hunger, etc. Yes, I understand symptoms can come and go; but really, they are G.O.N.E. Plus I figured the only reason they wanted to wait the 4-5 days was to give the hCG plenty of time to start to crash to make sure it's not ectopic. They could know that by tomorrow, right? No, Nurse K. will not reschedule. I felt reprimanded and small for not believing that this really could work out.

I have a friend up in the Lake's area who after years of trying, went through an IVF and produced the most adorable, blue-eyed, baby. I called her yesterday to give her the not-so-good news. On the spur of the moment, she has decided to take a couple of days off to make a nearly 7 hr drive just to be here with me tomorrow. I love you, M.

I love all of you.

11 Punches:

At 11:18 AM, Blogger LeggyP said...

Re: the symptoms disappearing- that's the hardest, because its hard to believe they can be there one day and not be there the next and have all be fine. That's why I was so freaked out when mine disappeared. So I sympathize. And I hope that you are wrong and that others are right. Its a hard place to be- I'm thinking about you.

 
At 11:18 AM, Blogger Nico said...

It is so sweet of your friend to come down like that. She's definitely a keeper!

I'm hoping so hard that Friday will bring good news.

 
At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Erin said...

Ahhh shit. I am away from the internet for few days and it all falls apart.

I really hope Friday brings something good. Will you let us know if the symptoms come back, please?

 
At 11:45 AM, Anonymous Kris said...

I am so glad your friend is coming to be with you... I hope that her success can help give you back just a twinge of hope.

Re: the symptoms, the best I can say is faith... it takes faith to believe when there is no physical proof, but it doesn't make it any less real.

We are all pulling for you and those little guys. And either way- we're all here for you!

 
At 12:25 PM, Anonymous mm said...

Sorry for the assvice, but have you considered appealing to your RE to bump up the beta? I hate that the nurse made you feel small for even suggesting as much! Does she not understand how much it sucks to be in limbo?? Apparently not. I'll be thinking of you this week and hoping for the very best.

 
At 12:30 PM, Blogger Cricket said...

Hooray for non-virtual friends.

And patience.

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger Thalia said...

Glad that your friend is stepping in, and still hoping a little for you, even though I know it's not good news.

 
At 5:41 AM, Blogger Catizhere said...

I heart M!
I'm glad you have a friend as sweet as M. to be there with you.

hopingprayingsendinggoodthoughts your way.

 
At 8:32 AM, Blogger Vivien said...

SO hoping they are all right and you are wrong. It is so hard. I am so sorry you are going through this.

 
At 9:00 AM, Blogger Erin said...

I'm a friend of Kris' and just wanted to pop by and give you a hug. I'm so incredibly sorry you're going through this. Like everyone else, I hope Friday brings you great news.

I'm glad your friend has come down to be there with you.

 
At 2:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

IVF babies born from embryos that are frozen and thawed are less likely to be underweight or premature than those conceived during fresh treatment cycles, research has shown.
http://bit.ly/OGquG

 

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