Friday, May 19, 2006

No. 191 - Where There Is Strength; There Can Be Solace

Most of us have been there. You know, in the place where we feel all has been lost or is about to be. I was just there 25 days ago. I hate feeling lost; feeling hopeless. But I am scrambling up and brushing the dust off my ass and applying betadine to my scraped and bruised knees.

It's much harder now to read pregnancy blogs without feeling both happy and envious at the same time. Especially when some of the pregnancy blogs were started around our first IVF as they are now describing the wonders of feeling their baby move. I wish I had known of blogging when I had X so I could have written about that miracle. But I was ignorant and made assumptions. New mothers blogging about their baby's newest development catches at my heart and even as I smile in that "yep, been there, done that", I still am saddened that it all is part of the past.

However, it's been much harder for me to read the posts announcing BFNs and eminent losses. I don't know how many times I've said "I'm so sorry", but I know it's been many more times than "Congratulations!" especially in the past several months.

Beagle at Fortune Cookies Follies' second IVF resulted in a negative.
Dino D at Frozen Not Fossilized is going through her fifth loss.
Linda at I've Got Bad Plumbing second IVF resulted in a negative.
Soralis's beta is today, but her EPT was negative yesterday.
and Sunnie at The.Sunnie.Side.Up. also received a negative**Updated: See this post about surprising turn of events!

I know sometimes we just don't know what to say, but let me be honest here. Nothing you say will give these people the Miracle. That's not the point. Instead, when you offer words of strength or solace, you give strength and solace. That's what these women did for me when I posted our second IVF was over.

If you haven't yet, please stop by each of these beautiful women's sites and let them know that they are in your thoughts, even if you don't know what more to say than "I'm here thinking of you." I know there were infinitely more cycles that have recently failed that have not been mentioned. I hope they have someone they can lean on during this time as well.

11 Punches:

At 5:59 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

It sure is tough to read about all the BFNs that have been out there lately and share in the heartbreak that everyone is going through.

Despite the sadness, there is such a sense of community that comes with the constant messages that are left on each blog. You are right, sometimes, just an, "I'm thinking of you" from a total stranger means a lot.

At 12:25 PM, Blogger Maya said...

Yep, I'm in that place of current and impending loss. I haven't started the triage yet, though. I am glad for you that you are on the mend. Yes, sadness is hard to deal with whether it is yours or those you care about. I truly think I would have lost my mind a lot earlier has it not been for this wonderful community. I can't tell you how many times it has already saved me emotionally. It has given me a voice and someone to hear all of it...and understand. Priceless

At 5:54 PM, Blogger Cricket said...

Your heart is so big.

At 9:30 PM, Blogger Beth said...

What a great post DD.

At 10:45 AM, Blogger Trish said...

I feel guilt and sorrow reading them. Just as you mentioned in a post once about your not wanting to mention X because of your readers, I didn't sent a written post because it would link back to mine about my kids.
Instead I prayed a silent prayer of peace, hope and joy to each of them and the millions of others out there.

At 12:38 PM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

You are a sweetie. Smooches!

At 4:53 PM, Blogger Sunnie said...

Thanks DD *hug*

At 5:59 AM, Blogger Jennifer said...

This is such a beautiful post. It's amazing that during our most difficult times that we can still shine through like you did in this post. Life doesn't always work out as we would hope or plan, but we're not alone. We've got each other. Thank you so much!

At 12:34 PM, Blogger jennster said...

you are awesome.. i can't imagine what it's like to be in your shoes, but i'm so happy you write about it so i can experience all of it with you. thank you.

At 3:56 PM, Blogger Stacy said...

What a giving and generous post.


At 7:51 AM, Anonymous TB said...

I think you are an amazing person. For all the caring and support you offer to others, I truly hope that you are feeling as much love coming back to you. You deserve it.


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