Friday, May 05, 2006

No. 180 - What Doesn't Kill You Just Makes You Bitter

It’s been a week of ups and lots of downs. Evident by my recent posts. Let me just share a few ironies that I've noticed over these past few days with you. Some you may nod your head emphatically along with; and others that may leave you scratching it in confusion.

It was “Administrative Professional’s Day” last Wednesday. Even though my primary job and title have nothing to do with that, I have been on the receiving end of more requests to retrieve files, order supplies, and create folder tab labels in the past week than I had in the two years I WAS an Admin Pro. And I didn’t get any fucking flowers.

My body is getting a good laugh at its own expense. Apparently I don’t have the hormonal balance to create good quality eggs, but enough hormones to reenact fond experiences from high school by presenting me a beautiful case of “pizza face”.

Recent bumper sticker: “American by Birth; Biker by Choice”. Said sticker was on the back of a piece of shit car.

Recent car window sign: “I don’t need kids, I have a husband.” Fuck you, you bitch.

I saw my GP on Wednesday, who after hearing my ART fiasco, try to console me with how he and his wife went through several miscarriages and “only God knows what’s in your heart and what his plans are for you.” Later I found out that his wife just gave birth to baby no. 4 just two weeks ago. He also gave me a couple sample packs of antidepressants, but I haven’t taken any yet. I’m scared to.

I work in a healthcare setting. Yes, ironic in itself. Thankfully, I don’t have much interaction with the clinical or patient side. However, on rare occasions I have to field calls from peopel with stories like this: “It’s just been hell lately. I had a baby, then I got pregnant again right away, this time with twins, blah, blah, blah, woe is me,” and I force myself to smile into the phone and keep it civil until I can hang up and cry.

There’s this religious based children’s fund where 80 cents a day will sponsor a child. I figured over 18 years, that’s only $5,256. I’m trying to figure out how I can cut them a deal where they get the money, but I get to bring the child home and take care of him/her from here. This will then free up that $5,300 for a different child. They get two children taken care of with one sponsorship; and I get a 75% discount off the “legal” adoption fees.

In the building next to mine, there’s a clinic that provides free pregnancy tests to girls “in trouble”. I told Mr. DD that I was going to park in front one of these days and wait for some girl to come out, sobbing in despondency, and promise her a life of luxury while she waits out the pregnancy if she gives me her baby. Yes, I’m a Lifetime Movie story just waiting to happen.

12 Punches:

At 8:34 AM, Blogger One Mother's Journey said...

I'm with you on the pizza face - in my twenties when I was fertile my face was clear as can be. Apparently now all my hormones are going to the zit factory on my face. Just another one of those wonderful things your mother never tells you about.

The woman who drives the car with the bumper sticker that says she doesn't needs kids, she has a husband - should be shot.

At 9:34 AM, Blogger Well-heeled mom said...

My MIL used to call me about so and so's granddaughter who was pregnant and only 15 and would we be interested....blah. Yeah we are interested, if you can guarantee grandma will never see let alone hold said baby or she'll never be able to let go.

About the Administrative Pro Day? I am the bookkeeper at my company, but used to do it all until we hired H almost a year ago. This is what we got from the owner on that Wednesday. "I was at lunch with my parents and it was really busy there so I asked why and they said it was AP Day. So Happy AP Day." Thanks, asswipe.

At 9:52 AM, Blogger Stacy said...

Maybe you should kipnap the "girl in trouble" and keep her in your basement for the duration of her pregnancy. All the while, you keep going up a size in your pregnancy empathy suits. When she has the baby, you kill her and claim it's yours. That would make for a better Lifetime movie! I know, I know, I'm sick.

At 10:02 AM, Blogger DD said...

Stacy, that Lifetime movie I'm sure has been done to death (sorry, bad pun). My version seems a little less exciting and just pathetic.

At 10:53 AM, Blogger kati said...

on the bus I see those adds that say "Pregnant? need help?". One of these days I am going to call and answer "no" and "yes" to these questions, and see how they stumble through their answer...

I think I would have hated your doctor a tiny little bit when finding out that they have four kids now. Maybe I am unfair. They went through a terrible ordeal with the miscarriages. But four kids, that's something that I can't even ever dream of again.

At 12:33 PM, Anonymous TB said...

Your doctor is an Ass.
You know you don't have to stay on the anti-depressants forever if you decide you need them. You can use them to get you over this hump for a few months.
I hear you on the skin issues... mine keep getting worse instead of better, but I do think stress plays a big part too. (along with weight gain, crying at the drop of a hat, moodiness...)

At 1:04 PM, Blogger Beagle said...

Hey, I wonder if Lifetime movies pay well . . . there's a thought! Earn the adoption money by starring in one of those "crazed infertile woman made-for-tv" movies.

Just a thought. Wanted to make you smirk if not laugh.

Sorry you're hurting.

At 3:12 PM, Blogger MAMB said...

Sorry about the suck ass week.

I've actually considered stalking the local planned parenthood office...but I was afraid someone would think I was a pro-life picketer.

Doctors are morons when it comes to emotional issues. Mine was happy to hear I was adopting but couldn't figure out why because apparently she is still under the delusion that I am able to have "a perfectly healthy pregnancy". Gee...tell my uterus that doc...

At 7:42 PM, Anonymous Leggy said...

I can't help laughing (bitterly, but laughing, nonetheless) at the title. I hate that whole "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" BS.

I have read the occasional "so & so offered me a baby this week and I turned them down" on several blogs- one was just today. Why doesn't that ever happen to me?

At 5:54 AM, Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom) said...

Here's my favorite thing that (pregnant) friends do: Complain about being pregnant.

How does one retain friends at times like that?

It certainly makes me bitter.

At 8:28 AM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

I hear you on the hormones and the spots! Apparently I am 13 again. If only I had the ovaries to match. Sigh.

No assvice here from me but take all the drugs offered. Oh, maybe that was assvice. Ooops.

At 9:43 AM, Blogger Thalia said...

Administrative Professionals Day. Who would have thunk such a thing even existed. Sorry that you didn't get any flowers, though.


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