Wednesday, May 03, 2006

No. 179 - The Tides a'Shiftin'

It's officially been one week since our last attempt conceiving via clinical means, which explains in part my last post. Why did I torture myself by looking through X's baby clothes? I don't know. Probably to test the waters, as it were. Unfortunately, the water was not fine and Mr. DD found me in X's closet, wracked by sobs. I was able to make it through 2 of the 6 bins of clothes before he drug me out of the closet to lead me, loose-limbed and dazed, into the bedroom to lay down for a few minutes. I secretly wish he would say let's try again; let's go for the adoption; let's not give up. But I know he won't. That's why he's the rock. I'm the jellyfish throwing myself onto the rock. Guess who's going to win that skirmish.

I've noticed the slightest changes in my Bloglines. I watch a total of 97 feeds, which break down as follows:

4 adopting blogs
9 miscellaneous writers
10 secondary infertiles trying for baby No. ?
22 pregnancy blogs
26 infertiles trying for baby No. 1
26 Mom's - whether through ART, adoption or luck (which I recently threw myself into, so the total is really 27)

As Wavery noted, she also has me listed under Parenting, which I would loosely term what I'm currently doing with X, since planting his little butt on the couch to watch the same movie over and over again while Mommy sucks down a few concoctions (and make sure he doesn't sneak a sip from since it looks suspiciously like chocolate milk), is not going to win me brownie points with social services. I've got to come to the realization that my focus has to be on X and not Baby May (or Baby September; or Baby Whenever).

In fact, I found Tertia's recent posts on "spoiling" IF children rather intriguing. I want to hitchhike on her post, but I'm going to save that for another time as I'm waiting for all the comments to come in. Maybe the point will be made and I won't have to go there; maybe not.


Personal factoid: I love the beach, but am terrified of going in the ocean, especially when it gets so deep I can't see the bottom.

14 Punches:

At 9:04 AM, Blogger Catizhere said...

You DON'T read Gerah??
(Poopandsuits.typepad.com)
She's FUNNY!! She's almost got me convinced to post a pic of me.
I took a couple this morning, I'll try to photoshop the hell out of them at lunch & maybe try to post this afternoon.

 
At 9:12 AM, Blogger jennster said...

i love bloglines. you're on mine! :) i have 48 feeds and that is alot! lol

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger Well-heeled mom said...

Yep...it sucks going through the stuff. I have a ton of baby things that I "just couldn't part with". And since it's the other half that is done at our house, he knows not to even go there.

The beach? Love it. The water? I am an "on the water or next to the water" person. Not IN the water. Nope. I figure I drowned in a previous life.

 
At 10:33 AM, Blogger soralis said...

Wow that is a lot of feeds I don't know how you keep track! Hopefully soon everyone will move to the Mom side!

Take care

 
At 1:57 PM, Blogger Spanglish said...

you're in my thoughts.

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger goldmoon said...

I'm so sorry things are tough for your right now. Hang in there!

 
At 2:58 PM, Blogger Ornery said...

I've been thinking about you a great deal this past week. I'm sorry that going through the baby clothes brought so much sadness. Please take care.

 
At 3:50 PM, Blogger One Mother's Journey said...

I wish things were different for you right now but I do promise - It will become tolerable again.

 
At 6:36 AM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Alright lady, here I am. You called me out???

 
At 7:17 AM, Blogger Sarah said...

It is so sad that you have to go through all of this. When I found out that I was pregnant, my sister sent out boxes of baby stuff which I promptly put away into the chest of drawers. Four months later, after our mc, I had to go through everything and pack it up again. A few months ago, she announced that she is expecting again, so I had to ship those boxes off to her which was one of the hardest things that I have had to do. In a way though, it was cathartic. It was a conclusion of sorts. Wishing you all the best.

 
At 8:58 AM, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

i just realized who you are...when i saw the comment on my blog, i thought "dd? hmm" and then i realized, DUH. mildew. of course. don't know why i never clicked on the link on that page. call it a mental blockage. :)

 
At 9:10 AM, Anonymous TB said...

I need to figure out Bloglines one of these days.

Hang in there, Jellyfish. I read a beautiful Margaret Atwood quote yesterday that made me think of all of us who struggle with infertility:

Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does.

 
At 6:35 PM, Blogger DinosaurD said...

dd - may I suggest an "In Limbo" category for your bloglines? I just about flipped when I found myself under "pregnant" or whatever the category is (and I'm too old for a flip to be a pretty sight). If I'd started blogging after the first miscarriage, you'd be getting sick and tired of moving me around.
DO NOT go through X's old clothes - what are you? A glutton for punishment? My big step was to get rid of the baby equipment - I have yet to crack the seal on all the bins of clothing (can you say "wimp" ... or maybe that would be "self preservation".)
Thanks for motivating me to get another HCG.
DinoD

 
At 2:49 AM, Anonymous Kath said...

I've been trying to get your Bloglines link to open, but something is going wrong. Probably my connection.

"Guess who's going to win that skirmish" was brilliant, DD. Sad but brilliant.

I don't have categories on my blog. I can't face moving people back down...

 

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