Sunday, January 15, 2006

It's 211 Degrees F. In Here

Things are slowly coming to a boil with the in-laws. Mr. DD finally is seeing how some of his family has been ostricizing me/us and hasn't shown any concern for what hell we have been going through. Now I understand our position doesn't mean every body's lives need to come to a screeching halt, but some acknowledgement would be appreciated.

Today was the shower. Plan A was for Mr. DD to arrive at the hostess's home with gifts in hand and to announce that I had suddenly contracted the ebola virus and thought it would be wise for me to stay at home and avoid bringing the plague to those expecting. However, harsh reality has struck and he is starting to feel as bitter as I am so I figured, what the hell, a little truth is what everyone needs to be subjected to right about now so on to Plan B.

So at noon, I gathered up the gifts and went to the where the party was scheduled. Party was scheduled for 3:00. Hostess, a SUPER lovely lady without a malicious bone in her body graciously welcomed me in and I brought the gifts in and set them on the floor and announced I would not be able to attend later.

"Oh no, did something come up?" she asked sincerely.

"No. I just can't be here." and without missing a beat, she came up to me and gave me a hug and told me she was sorry. I then started to cry.

I explained that I just don't care anymore if the family thinks I'm being a self-centered bitch, but right now I have to take care of me. Things are already strained and showing up to the shower would not have absolved me of my inability to socialize cheerfully with the mother-to-be; and it sure the hell wouldn't have made me feel better.

She gave me every platitude in the book:

You just need to relax.
When's the last time you had a vacation? Just you and Mr. DD and then, who knows?
At least you still have X.
G*d probably has some very special plans for you.
It will happen.

But I just couldn't be mad at her. It's not her fault that I'm not pregnant. It's not her or her family who treats us like outsiders. I could only smile and nod quietly in agreement.

Before I left, the sister of the mom-to-be showed up and barely acknowledged my presence, which is completely opposite of her normally bubbly and happy personality. Knowing how uncomfortable we were in the same room only confirmed that what I was doing by admitting I couldn't be there was the right thing to do.

I don't know what will happen from here. Mr. DD wants everyone to get together and hash it out. I'm glad he finally gets that it isn't up to me to make this all right; but he knows he will have to instigate a meeting between us all in order to begin the healing. It's hard to see him in so much emotional turmoil and I hate that I have become a wedge between him and his family. On the other hand, I feel more love and respect for him than ever as he has chosen to support and defend me AGAINST his family in this very painful time in our lives.

9 Punches:

At 5:53 PM, Blogger chris said...

You did the right thing. Sometimes, you just have to take care of yourself.

 
At 6:19 PM, Blogger K&M said...

I agree. And understand completely about in-laws. Its doubly hard when the dh is riding the fence. I am so happy that yours is standing up for you. It truly makes a world of difference.

Hugs,
Kate

 
At 8:50 PM, Blogger LeggyP said...

You SO did the right thing. I'm sorry you have go through this.

I have to say, your story makes me actually appreciate my own inlaws. Just picked up the Cutie Pie and they were SO concerned re: how I'm doing, etc. If anything they are too involved in our lives, but I suppose that's better than the alternative.

 
At 8:51 PM, Blogger LeggyP said...

Oh- and platitudes. I'm so f-ing sick of them.

 
At 5:54 AM, Anonymous Kris said...

I can't tell you how much I understand. You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing, and I am so glad that Mr DD is starting to understand how everyone is making you feel.

 
At 6:54 AM, Blogger Demeter said...

DD:
I can totally relate to your sensitivity in this circumstances. While the world gets pregnant and celebrates new life, here we are, wondering why our bodies betray us and how difficult it is to navigate through what seems celebratory experiences for others and how it hurts us. I don't have the pleasure of having in-laws on our way, my DP doesn't talk to his father, so that is out of the way. I couln't agree with you more. Keep taking care of yourself or no one will.
By the way, thanks for your comforting thoughts you left on ny blog. The struggle continues. The veredict is yet to come.

 
At 10:02 AM, Blogger Cricket said...

I'm so sorry you have to deal with any of this. One only has so much energy and it shouldn't be wasted in unsavory places.

 
At 11:58 AM, Anonymous julianna said...

Wow! Your husband is awesome and that is so brave of you to take the presents early and not make excuses.

Hashing it out is painful, but that is what always heals me.

Thinking of you,

 
At 1:25 PM, Blogger Spanglish said...

What a painful time all around.

Mr. DD is great. I hope that an understanding can come soon. It's so hard -- IF takes a toll on SO many people in so many ways.

You're in my thoughts.

 

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