Friday, March 10, 2006

Heartache

You know how you want so badly for someone to have a positive beta after an IVF that you obsessively check their website, just in case Bloglines (or whatever referral system you use), is defunk? And then when you see there is indeed a new post, your heart beats really hard and fast in anticipation (or even dread), and then you read that someone else heart’s been broken…again? It’s happened. Mary Scarlet’s 3rd IVF’s beta was negative.

I hate this. I hate how IVF, the ultimate in reproductive scientific technology, can crush us, our hearts, our hopes, our dreams, into dust. I hate that it makes me selfishly doubt my own chances. I hate how it makes my heart thump in my chest with dread.

I hate this.

4 Punches:

At 4:59 AM, Blogger Suzanne said...

Whenever I see that someone has a positive beta I'm happy and a tiny bit envious but whenever it's negative, I'm just plain sad.

 
At 7:47 AM, Blogger Spanglish said...

I get sad either way -- I'm sad when someone gets a positive beta that I've never been able to hold on to one for very long, and I'm sad when someone gets a negative beta that her dreams aren't coming true this time either.

I hate this, too.

 
At 9:21 AM, Blogger One Mother's Journey said...

It sucks and is very unfair. I can't blame her for being devistated.

 
At 12:55 PM, Anonymous TB said...

Me too. I hate all of it. The stress, the sadness, the heartbreak when you allow yourself to have hope and it doesn't work out over and over. It it so hard and women who continue on this quest are the bravest and the strongest people I know.

 

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