Counselor - Bad, Bitch Slap - Good

I went to see the counselor last night. All I can say is even though I cried several times when discussing my miscarriage and the potential for things not to work out with this IVF, I will not go back. She was nice enough, but right now I don't need assvice that borders on the obvious, such as "Discuss with Jerry what your options will be if the IVF fails," and "Try to determine how you plan on getting through the pain of a failed IVF." I need someone to tell me to snap out of it and quit feeling sorry for myself, and her meek, mild form of communication will make that an impossibility.

I did, however, ask Jerry when I got home what he thinks we should do if it doesn't work. He said, "All I know is that if it does, I'm going to church."

That's big. Why? The last time Jerry and I went to church for anything other than a baptism, wedding, Holiday mass with parents was . . . oh, that's right . . . never.

So I have proposed that Saturday nite, before we head to the metro for a night in a hotel in prep for the retrieval/aspiration, we go to Mass with my mother in Small Town B.

I still have some unresolved issues with G*d with the miscarriage and subsequent surprise infertility, but I figure now's as good as time as any to try to come to grips with it. I'm telling myself that since Baby May had the abnormalities, He's decided that going through some ART was an additional way to test our Faith.

And you know what? This is going to work, people, so I'm not even going to think about the "what if it doesn't" scenerios. You will probably need to remind me of that over the next two weeks if I start to get whiny. A virtual bitch-slap will be my "snap out of it" and I know it will be delivered with nothing but love! And remember, I would do the same for you.