Sunday, November 20, 2005

Pearls of Wisdom

I could never be accused of desribing Jerry as poetic, philosophical or even verbally skilled. He's usually a man of action, not of words. When he has something to say, be prepared for it to be blunt. Yesterday was such a day. We had to make that 2.5 hour drive to the Metro to get the last of the blood work done on us both in time for the IVF. My mother came over to watch Max since he did not want to go with us and we left around 10. It was raining/snowing and Jerry had pulled the car out of the garage in an effort to get an *early* start. I ducked my head and made a dash to the passenger side. I opened the door to get in only to find my seat full of papers and junk making it impossible to sit down. As I muttered and cursed under my breath throwing the lot in the back seat while cold splats of snow hit my head, Jerry asked why was I being such a bitch, and pointed out that I had been one all morning. All morning? it was only 10... I promptly ignored him and as punishment I refused to speak to him for nearly 45 miles. I say punish, but I'm sure he was breathing a sigh of relief.

After I had sufficiently cooled down, the remaining 1.5 hr trip passed nearly uneventful until we reached one of the many small towns on our route. The 2-line highway we were on widened to a 4 lane street, and Jerry had slowed down as part of the city-limit requirements. During our decell, a moron of a man ran across the two lanes of the opposing traffic and stopped in the middle. There was no medium; he was just standing on the double yellow-line. Jerry, aware that a pedestrian has the right-of-way regardless of the stupidity that forces them into the middle of a busy street between crosswalks, quickly braked to let the man pass in front of us and finish his proverbial chicken cross. Instead of the man giving Jerry a grateful wave, he angrily motioned him to "keep moving!" indicating he would wait until there were no cars. As Jerry slowly moved forward and past him, he put the window down and shouted, "Use the fucking crosswalk the next time!" During this time I was staring at the gas station on my side in complete fascination lest the happless pedestrian catch my eye.

It was another hour or so of driving, 15 minutes of wandering aimless in the hospital searching for pathology, 5 minutes each to get our blood drawn and another 15 minute drive to our next stop before he was at it again. We were in the parking lot of Nebr@sk@ Furniture M@rt. On a Saturday afternoon. The weekend before Thanksgiving. What? You have never been to NFM?? YOU do not know what you are missing! Finding a parking spot within 500' of any entrance is a lesson in futility. But wait! There's one and it's only 250' soon as that car pulls out...oh, shit. There's already a car waiting for the spot. While we waited for the car to back out since we weren't in any hurry, another one opened up next to us first so we pulled in. The car that was backing out finally was on its way and what do you think happens? Did the other car waiting patiently finally get the spot? Oh no. Instead some brainless-red-neck in a dually (doolie? duallie?) pulled forward from his spot into the now open spot and parked it. His move would allow him to pull forward out of his spot when he got ready to leave instead of trying to back out his "tractor-trailer" of a pick-up. The ladies in the car-a-waiting rolled their windows down and proceeded to cluck at him about what a jerk he was. Jerry and I witnessed the whole production. We were walking by the scene and Jerry caught up to the man right there in the lot and told him that those ladies had been waiting for that spot and he had been a jerk to pull forward like that, to which Bubba answered, "Life's a bitch." In turn, Jerry stopped in his tracks, turned to the man vis-a'-vis and responded, "And some people are cocksuckers."

I was flabbergasted and when the man turned back to his truck I was sure he was going to come at us with his sawed-off double barrel shotgun and blow Jerry's nutsac away, ending messily any chance we may have had of having one more biological child. But that's not what he did. He actually got into his truck and left. The henpecking from the two women and Jerry's "Ballsinhishand" attitude had taken the man right out of the mood to shop for his turkish rug and armoire. I was so proud of Jerry. He's normally so non-confrontational that I was shocked. I'm normally the one who makes the snide comments about how people can be such dicks, even if it's usually under my breath lest someone actually hears me.

It was on our way home from our trip that Jerry made the most interesting comment. We were discussing how one of my friends recently blew me off and that I was hurt by the action. Jerry responded with this, "Everybody's a pearl."

Everybody's a Pearl. Oh, you mean precious yet no two are alike and we should value our difference?

No. Not quite. "Everybody's a pearl.... We all irratate each other once in a while and we just have to add a little more coating to smooth things over."

After all that, I'm amazed that he doesn't like to argue with me more, which he doesn't because he thinks I usually try to make him feel stupid with my all my double-talk and mumbo-jumbo list of facts. If he just went with his guts, like he had all day on Saturday, he would never lose.

3 Punches:

At 10:29 AM, Blogger Catizhere said...

Everybody's a pearl! That's great!
I'll have to remember that one. Especially for when I'm in the car & trying not to cuss at all the idiots on the road.

Funny thing happened this weekend, Me & Mag were out looking for knee high brown boots for her Thanksgiving outfit.(Never found them)There was a man crossing the street & I muttered c'mon, c'mon walk already!!
From the back seat as clear as day...."asshole" Gotta watch my mouth while Maggie's in the car....

At 11:36 AM, Blogger April said...

I'm enjoying the "everybody's a pearl."

We were also held captive at NFM this weekend, but for us - it's right next to a Cabela's. They should just rename the parking lot "hell."

At 6:31 AM, Anonymous thalia said...

Wow. Your husband is a brave man. Although I think he deserves a bit of a kick for calling you a bitch at 10am. That's not called for.

Am now very intrigued by the nebraska furniture mart. Now there's something that makes me think the US is a different world..


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