Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Isn't It Ironic?

Monday a.m. was a total bust. Instead of driving down to a friend's house the night before, I decided to get up at 5:00 AM to make the trip to my RE. After an unusual delay in the waiting room, I prepped myself for the baseline US and was initially excited when Dr. M. informed me that they were going to boost my Follistim to a higher dose. That excitement was immediately squelched when the US found two ovarian cysts, one on each ovary. I was devastated and Dr. M's words of wisdom, "Don't stress out, it's only 3 more weeks." for which I replied, "That's easy for you to say." did nothing for my mood.

Now I had been told when we were getting ready for my first IUI that if there were any cysts, I would have to wait another month AND take birth control pills. I didn't want to admit my ignorance and ask why and luckily, at that time, I didn't have to. Out of embarrassment, I didn't ask Monday, either. I stepped out of the exam room and was handed a month's supply of birth control pills with the instructions to call when my next period started. I walked out of the office choking back tears.

It wasn't until I got back home later in the afternoon that I was able to get my question about the cysts answered via the web. One of two things probably happened: 1) the follicles that were created from my first treatment with FSH did not release eggs and cysts formed; or 2) the eggs were released and then the cysts formed from the left-over follicle. Ovulation can aggrevate these cysts and potentially create more. Cysts left unchecked can grow, twist upon themselves and cause major problems. Ovarian cysts on pre-menstrual girls or post-menopausal women have a high percentage of being malignant. Cysts on anyone in between usually are benign. Since ovulation can aggrevate these cysts, birth control prevents ovulation, reducing my risks. From what I have read, it can be 1 - 3 months before cysts resolve themselves. I'm holding out for the one month option.

So...not only have Jerry and I been faced with the difficulties of getting pregnant when we want to, now I have to make sure we DON'T get pregnant by choking back the Pill! That's irony.

I had hoped that we would have been pregnant with a due date before Baby May 2005's due date. As of now, that little bit of comfort has flown the coop. At the rate we are going, I'm now thinking I'll be lucky to be due by my 39th birthday in July. How f***ing depressing is that!

Not only did I cry Monday, but did a little crying yesterday as well: Max started preschool. I took him to his classroom for his first day, and after he watched the teacher get down a box of cars for another 3 yr old wailing for his mommy, he was hooked on school. I kissed his head and snuck out of the room, again choking back tears. My baby is growing up.

2 Punches:

At 7:48 AM, Anonymous -D said...

It's a tough road you are traveling, but I know the journey will be worth the blisters.

At 2:56 PM, Anonymous Jamie said...

I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this. I have several friends on the same path and it is heart breaking. Don't give up hope! I have one friend that did not conceive until her second try with invitro. They have a beautiful little girl now!


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